By Shirah Bell, Director of Everyday Holiness Program

Preparing to Stand Before The Holy One

Today begins Elul, the month before Rosh Hashanah, when we are told to get serious about reviewing our past year, the errors we’ve made, the actions we didn’t take, and the promises we’ve not fulfilled. Mussar gives us tools to help us take stock and prepare ourselves throughout the year. A midrash in Bereishit Rabbah (11:16) teaches that when we are refining and improving ourselves, we are in concert with the Divine Plan. With that notion in mind, I have three recommendations.

First, try using the Al Chet prayer, which we say many times during Yom Kippur, to guide your self in self-examination. Aish.com offers a wonderful tool for that you can download at http://www.aish.com/hhyomk/hhyomkdefault/Exploring_the_Al-Chet_Prayer.asP

The site offers a way of exploring the roots of our mistakes through the vehicle of this poignant prayer. Here is an example of how it works:

1. For the mistakes we committed before You under duress and willingly.

How can we be held accountable for mistakes committed under duress? The answer is that sometimes, we get into compromising situations because we are not careful. Many of these "accidents" can be avoided by setting limitations to avoid temptation.

Ask yourself:

Duress:

Did I put myself into compromising situations, and then when I got into trouble rationalize by saying it was "unavoidable" or "accidental?"

Have I tried making "fences" so that I won't transgress?

Have I considered setting up a penalty system as a deterrent against certain mistakes?

When I legitimately got into an unavoidable situation, did I stop to consider why God might want me to experience this particular challenge?

Willingly:

Did I make mistakes because I was lazy, or because my lower, animalistic urges were getting the better of me?

Recognizing mistakes is one thing; changing long standing habits is quite another. Working through questions about each chet, we can notice patterns in our responses and pinpoint middot (soul traits) that appear to underlie recurrent mistakes. Does laziness show up often? Perhaps you need to work on zerizut (alacrity). What about fear? Then bitachon (trust) may need strengthening.  Identifying underlying middot and antidotes, you can turn your High Holy Day review into a more satisfying experience and lasting change.

Second, begin a Mussar practice of Cheshbon HaNefesh (accounting of the soul) to help make permanent changes, step by step, over the course of a year. Changes in habits almost never happen immediately. The book, Cheshbon HaNefesh, by Rav Menachem Mendel Lefin (Levin) laid out a process in 1812 that Alan Morinis has described in his book Everyday Holiness.

Third, keep in mind that your attitude toward mistakes will affect your ability to transform them. If you believe that our purpose in life is to improve, grow, and change, as the Torah tells us, rather than berate yourself for what you discover, you will find yourself welcoming the awareness of mistakes as the first step toward teshuvah, toward turning to HaShem. Recognizing the gap between where you are and where you want to be (hargashah) is the crucial first step. Don't be discouraged by what you find. Instead, choose the areas that cut closest to the root of your problems and you will make the most of the teshuva process. May you be written in the book of life for another year.

If you would like to discuss this approach or have questions, contact me at shirah@mussarinstitute.org.

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