Mussar Institute - Everyday Holiness: The Course

By Shirah Bell, Director of Everyday Holiness Program

“Worry is a betrayal of HaShem”

He’avar ayin the past is no more
He’atid adayin the future is yet to come
Ha’hoveh k’heref ayin the present is a fleeting moment
Da’agah mi’nayin why worry?

Rabbi Avraham Ibn Ezra, a 12th century sage from Spain asked this question: why worry? Popular as a song sung in Novarodock Mussar yeshivas in the 19th century, his words have become popular once again today as a melody played by wedding dance bands.

For me, however, it has not been easy to shake this trait from my heart. This year, preparing for the High Holidays, I thought through the people I needed to ask for forgiveness, and then came to the question “For what do I need to ask God’s forgiveness?” I had a number of answers, but what showed up as most fundamental was…worry.

For every worry, I believe I have a good reason. I come from a long line of expert worriers and have struggled with worry my whole life. Yes, I have studied the reasons not to worry. Orchot Tzaddikim tells us: “Worry and sorrow erode the heart and are the sickness of the body.” I’ve worked on strengthening antidotes to worry – mainly trust (bitachon), and also patience (savlanut) and humility (anavah). But, the way I understand this logic always seems self-serving – I am trusting God so I won’t have to worry, rather than simply trusting God for the sake of trusting God, and (trusting) that worry (I hope) will disappear as a byproduct.

This year, as I grappled with the Yom Kippur question – what is my biggest sin? For what do I need to ask Hashem to forgive me? – it suddenly occurred to me that worry, itself, is the sin. Worry is a betrayal of HaShem. I then saw this teaching in a story in the Talmud (Brachot 60a):

A certain disciple was walking behind Rabbi Yishmael, the son of Rabbi Yossi, in the marketplace of Tzion. Rabbi Yishmael noticed that the student was fearful and commented, “You are a sinner,” for it is written, “Sinners are fearful in Tzion.”

When I worry, I am being disloyal and unfaithful to HaShem because I am essentially saying that I can’t rely on God. I am putting my judgment ahead of HaShem’s. I am engaging in a kind of idolatry. Suddenly, worry took on a whole new meaning for me. Instead of being an unpleasant and counterproductive habit, which I try to eliminate by developing trust, worry became a direct sin against HaShem. Instead of being an obsessive self-oriented focus of mine, it became a characteristic of my relationship with the Holy One of Being. Orchot Tzaddikim makes this point clearly when it says: “Worry over attaining [or not attaining] anything in this world is extremely reprehensible and is not found at all in those who trust in Hashem and believe in Him.”

In the past, as soon as I have noticed that I am worrying, my worry has irritated me. Now I discover that the situation is far worse than having worry take joy out of my life. When I don’t enjoy my life, I am refusing the gifts bestowed upon me by HaShem. If I reject G-d’s gifts, I am rejecting G-d. What came into focus for me is my relationship to HaShem. When I put my relationship with HaShem first, worry becomes difficult and trust and joy easy. For those of you who have been my fellow worriers, I encourage you to explore deepening your relationship with Hashem. Perhaps you can find a way to take ibn Ezra’s ancient advice faster than I have done.

If you would like to discuss this approach or have questions, contact me at shirah@mussarinstitute.org.

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Everyday Holiness: The Jewish Spiritual Path of Mussar