By Debra Cohn
La Canada Flintridge, California

I was introduced to Mussar through a reading group in 2004 as a preview of the Mussar Level I course. I can’t say I had much in the way of revelation or deepened self-understanding the first couple of years. My chanting and journaling practice was irregular, but I hung in. By year three, Mussar reached a critical mass and I was able to make some tough decisions: I stopped working, returned to Los Angeles to live with family and tie up loose ends that allowed me to focus on some health issues and finish my dissertation.

This past year, I volunteered as a chevruta in the Everyday Holiness course. I put my practice on hold so my chevruta partner could catch up. During those weeks, I felt a hole in my life and that lit a fire under me. I dove in, finding the middot of order and enthusiasm at work. I listened to a CD on Mussar chanting, and used the cheshbon hanefesh templates until I was regularly chanting and journaling. I began to be surprised as I noticed changes in my behavior.
More change came over a two-week period when I worked with the middah of menuchat hanefesh or equanimity. My sister has always been my “hot button” person. While at a shop that sells beautiful olive wood pendants carved in the shape of doves, I bought us each a dove, hoping they would help us accept each other as we are. She was touched by the gift, and we have gotten along fairly well since.

I continue to be surprised by how Mussar works. Recently, I spent 13 hours with my dad, through pre-op procedures for his upcoming surgery. The day was grueling, but he complimented me on how efficient and calm I was dealing with the doctors and various tasks. Several middot were in play, including humility, honor, gratitude, equanimity, order and simplicity. Not only is Mussar practice cumulative, it is self-perpetuating. I realized that with almost four years of Mussar practice behind me, Mussar had, in fact, become my practice.

I am more in touch with how difficult it is to stay present and conscious. I notice that when things heat up, a part of me jumps forward with phrases I chant, allowing me time to contemplate viable responses rather than just react. After several years of practice, I see how different each year is and how the years add up to a whole greater than their sum. This vantage point makes it easy to want to continue, because it never seems to be repetitive and the accumulated effects are surprising.

I am working through the Everyday Holiness course as a volunteer chevruta, and I plan to retake The Path of the Soul, Mussar in Action: Advanced Practice in Conscious Living, and apply to the Pathlighters program. More than ever, I am motivated to keep my Mussar practice, seeing the way it has worked in my life.

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