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AN ACCIDENTAL LEADER
By Deborah Steinberg
Deborah lives in Boca Raton, Florida
I don’t remember the incident at all. But my parents vividly recall how they were called to school by the Principal who was aghast at their daughter’s organization of a sit down strike in her 3rd grade classroom. Recounting the event, my mother explained that while my father felt uncomfortable, she felt proud because I demonstrated leadership ability.
For the next 30-40 years or so that ability lay dormant. In fact, I would describe myself during those years as shy, reticent, and so terrified at the idea of having to speak in public that there is almost nothing I would not have done to avoid the horror of it. But everything changed when I left the New York area and moved south.
Under the Florida Sun
I guess I would have to blame it on the intense South Florida sun. I don’t know how else to explain my emergence as an activist when twelve years ago we moved to Boca Raton.
Almost immediately I began to respond to anything I would encounter that seemed wrong, unfair, harmful etc.
My first protest appeared as a Letter to the Editor of the Boca Raton News against what I considered to be the danger of driving on our infamous I-95 and was titled, “Is it South Florida or the Grand Prix?”
Shortly thereafter it became clear to me that although my son attended a Hebrew
Day School, the lack of emphasis on character was all too manifest. And so, again I put pen to paper and began to create what now has the working title of “Middot Matter”, a curriculum that teaches character education based on Torah values and uses the technology of the psychotherapy I have trained in and practiced for the last 20 years.
Not content to turn a blind eye to perceived limitations at my son’s school, I investigated Multiple Intelligences, the brilliant theory of intelligence developed by Dr. Howard Gardner that has been applied to school curriculum. I lobbied hard and enrolled the principal to bring the program to our school. We became partners and worked together closely using Multiple Intelligences to open opportunities for students who might otherwise have fallen through the cracks.
A Gene for Justice
I must have been born with a gene for justice. My greatest leadership challenge presented itself in September of 2005. I had been member of the Board of Trustees for just one year at the Albert Ellis Institute (AEI) where I did my psychotherapy post graduate training and had the privilege to study under master psychologist Albert Ellis. Imagine my horror when several members of this Board engineered a coup to suspend this icon from his professional activities as well as from his position as a Trustee from the Institute he founded, funded and developed almost single-handedly. The details are too complicated to discuss here. But, suffice it to say that it was very difficult to come to the realization that I would have to take a stand against my fellow Board members.
However, there was no choice. Allied with only one other Board member who eventually defected because it was too painful for him, I opposed the other trustees. I wrote 4 Minority Reports, one of which was used by Ellis’ attorneys to file suit against these Trustees. I mobilized the professional community to write and protest to the Board. I called upon my fellow trustees to resign and accept responsibility for the great harm their actions had wrought both to Albert Ellis the man as well as to the AEI. Although I have been disparaged and demeaned by fellow Board members, I remain determined to not respond in kind, and when necessary, to disagree agreeably, sticking to the facts…just the facts. And this struggle is far from over.
Speaking Up
Along the way I have been slowly overcoming my reluctance to speak publicly. The passion I have for promoting “Middot Matter” Multiple Intelligences, and pursuing Justice at the AEI have necessitated my speaking out whenever I was called to do so. And I learned a secret that has even helped me be enthusiastic and come to enjoy these public presentations. When you are sharing something you love and focus on “what” you are doing, the issue of “how” you are doing is no longer so daunting. And so I accepted invitations to speak…among other places…at local synagogues at my son’s school, at an Edah Conference, at the Mussar Kallah in San Francisco, at the University of Judaism, at Board meetings, and I even agreed to introduce Hadassah Lieberman at an event with several hundred people.
What I’ve Learned
I’ve learned that leadership is not the exclusive right of just a few. If you choose to...right a wrong, create a program, make the world a better place, focus on the goal, not the reward, remain unaffected by either praise or criticism...YOU can be an effective leader. What it takes…is a willingness to work hard…and an ongoing and meaningful commitment to internalize many of the middot studied from the Course in Mussar such as: ...responsibility, humility, equanimity, truth, respect, forgiveness, courage, patience, determination, a commitment to justice, and more. Perhaps John Quincy Adams said it best when he most aptly declared, “If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, YOU are a leader.
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