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By Shirah Bell, Director of Everyday Holiness Program The Mussar Masters tell us that acquiring yir’ah is a crucial underpinning for the practice of Mussar. English translations for yir’ah are problematic. Fear/ awe/ reverence are words which, in combination, may point to or hint at its meaning in the Hebrew. Our teacher, Rabbi Micha Berger, wrote about yir’ah in the Everyday Holiness class Forum. He called it "awareness of the magnitude – pointing to the emotional stance which fuels both fear and awe.” In Mesilat Yesharim, the Ramchal (R’ Moshe Chaim Luzzatto) writes of three kinds of yir’ah: 1- Yir’at ha’onesh: fear of punishment.
In the Everyday Holiness course, yir’ah is the last middah we study. Many students struggle with yir’ah, especially when the focus is on sin and punishment. I join in this struggle. I don’t want to think of HaShem as punishing, nor do I want to construct a motivation of avoiding sin. It’s just not politically correct these days to talk about the Holy One in that way. Recently, as I studied a section of Ohr Yisrael (Rebbe Yisrael Salanter’s letters) with my chevruta, I noticed something beginning to grow in me that I will call a longing for yir’ah. I noticed myself getting impatient with my very modern desire to be comfortable and to keep things under (my) control. “What am I missing by not having yir’ah?” I wondered. I wanted to feel this middah and not just give lip service to it. I realized that I couldn’t come to grips with it intellectually, no matter how much reading and discussion I did. I needed a visceral experience of yir’ah. There are techniques in Mussar for cultivating visceral experience. As I sat in Shabbat services last week, I stopped at a line in the siddur which spoke of yir’ah, and instead of quickly translating it into “fear” and going on, I stayed there. I repeated it over and over, and visualized as best I could what it might feel like. I remained with it, putting myself into the bodily experience of yir’ah. I imagined what it would feel like to be afraid, to tremble, to be completely bowled over by some spirit or force that is unnamable. As I stayed with it, I eventually did experience what felt to me like yir’ah. I held the experience as long as I could, and then was amazed as, right after it, came a feeling of deep joy. I experienced HaShem in a way I hadn’t before. I haven’t returned to that visualization again, but the memory of it keeps the experience present. I’m noticing that my resistance to the discomfort of yir’ah is dissipating, being replaced with a kind of deep gratitude. R. Berger quoted from Rav Avram Elya (Avraham Eliyahu) Kaplan: “True yir'ah of the One in heaven, rather than being about being debilitated and quaking in one’s boots, leads one to joy, song and action. And in fact, yir’ah adds to the ahavah, the Love of G-d. By facing a glimmer of the Greatness of the Beloved, we come to treasure that love, and love Him all the more.” I recommend that when you come across a middah or concept that you are struggling with, don’t only rely on the intellect; bring in the power of your imagination and senses, with the Mussar techniques described in Alan’s book Everyday Holiness of contemplation, visualization (kibbutz roshmim), and chanting (hitpa’alut). I’d love to hear from you with reflections and questions: shirah@mussarinstitute.org. |
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