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By Modya Silver I was asked many years ago whether I would teach meditation and my response was “no, I've only had a daily practice for 10 years. When I get to 20 years I may feel more qualified.” And so it was, with that same type of reluctance, that I approached the Pathlighters Program offered through The Mussar Institute (TMI), with a view to becoming a teacher and facilitator of Mussar learning and practice. The challenge that I immediately faced was in leading a group of newcomers to Mussar, having only discovered it myself 2 years before. Prior to taking the program, I had taken the Level 1 course through TMI and also read and learned a little Michtav M'Eliyahu (Rav Dessler), Tomer Devorah (R. Moshe Cordovero), as well as Alan Morinis' first book, Climbing Jacob's Ladder. I also had some modest Torah learning outside of classical Mussar texts, some time in Israel at Yeshiva back in 1988 and have been growing in my observancy for about 20 years. So, with that background, I entered the Pathlighters program. My approach would be that of a fellow traveller on the path. I would share my personal experience with my students and in parallel offer the traditional teachings as a guide to which to strive. The result over this last two years was that I fell into a groove that really was and continues to be very comfortable for me. Sharing my knowledge and experience, showing what I've learned and what I still need to focus on, while enjoying the process. I have now taught three courses in Toronto, one at a Reform Temple, and two at a non-denominational egalitarian synagogue. I also just committed to teach at a large Conservative synagogue in January. I joined the Board of TMI just over a year ago and, also, I have a Web project that I am hoping to launch in the next two months that will help a broader community share Mussar practice more easily (stay tuned). The lesson I have taken to heart most through this leadership process comes from a teaching of Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe z”l, who said that HaShem only makes “Number 1's” and never a “Number 2”. We all have tremendous potential and need to unlock it to maximize who we are meant to become. We all have a great gift and so I offer a midrash to understand that better. Our midrash teaches that the whole of Torah (instructions for living a full life) is placed within us before we are born and at time of birth an angel pushes that Torah deep into our recesses. It is then our job to educate ourselves, so that we in turn educate our fellow globetrotters. Educate, in latin, means to “bring up” and that is what we do as we learn and have those moments of “aha.” When I learn something in the field of Mussar, I have that sense of “aha, I got it!” It's at that moment of realization that I bring up that piece of Torah that HaShem placed in me before I was born. It's an uncovering, and the part of Mussar practice that, for me, is so rewarding. It is then that I am ready to share a personal realization in the hopes that it helps others unlock for themselves their own hidden Torah. And so, I know that I am a “Number 1” – Reb Wolbe said so, and that leadership in the Mussar world is part of my equation to reach my full potential. While it feels somewhat uncomfortable for me to be in the leadership position, it is necessary for me to do so in order to serve HaShem to the best of my abilities. I am taking this path slowly and while thinking about the question of leadership, I'm also ratcheting up my own Mussar learning. I have now read many of the classic Mussar texts, and, in addition, love the book Reb Elyah by D. Schlossberg as well as Musar For Moderns by Rabbi Krumbain. I'm a member of two Mussar va'adim (one on the phone, one in person) and have a weekly telephone Mussar chevruta who supports my daily practice. For the Torah that HaShem has placed within me, and to my students past and future, who give me a chance to lead and share, I am truly grateful. Thank you. |
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