By Shirah Bell, Director of Everyday Holiness Program

Our Jewish tradition has always taken the power of words very seriously. The Rabbis caution us to guard our tongue (schmirat halashon) and avoid an evil tongue (lashon ha’ra). Those of you in Everyday Holiness: The Course will learn about lashon ha’ra in Lesson 12, which focuses on truth (emet). We’ve already learned about the yezter ha’ra (the evil inclination). One could say that the yetzer ha’ra manifests itself in lashon ha’ra. With these two distinctions, we’re invited to build a structure in which we take great care about what we say about other people. We’re encouraged to take responsibility for the worlds we invent in language. I love this Chasidic story which shows the magnitude of lashon ha’ra:

A man went about the community telling malicious lies about another man. Later, he realized the wrong he had done, and began to feel remorse. He went to the rabbi and begged him to tell him how to make amends and find forgiveness.

The rabbi told the man, "Take a feather pillow, cut it open, and scatter the feathers to the winds." The man thought this was a strange request, but it was a simple enough thing to do, and he did it gladly.

When he returned to tell the rabbi that he had done it, the rabbi said, "Now, go and gather the feathers.”

The man was horrified. “It’s impossible to gather all those feathers. They’ve been spread in places I can’t even see."

"Yes," replied the rabbi, "so it is with words. You can no more make amends for the damage your words have done than you can recollect the feathers."

The central prohibition against unethical speech comes from Leviticus 19:16, "Lo telech rachil b'ameicha” — Do not go about as a talebearer among your people. It includes any statement that will embarrass, insult or deceive a person, or cause a person emotional pain or distress. The rabbis distinguish two aspects:

• Lashon Ha’ra - any derogatory or damaging (physically, financially, socially, or stress-inducing) communication.
• Rechilut - any communication that generates animosity between people.

Note that the fundamental feature is not the truth of the speech, but the effect it can have on others, and even on your self. It is lashon ha’ra if you incriminate yourself as you tell a story!

Even if you are very careful about the way you speak, what about the way you listen? The person who listens to wrong speech is considered to be even worse that the one who speaks it. Why? If there were no one to listen, there would be no point in anyone speaking harmfully about another.

Let’s not wait for Lesson 12, or for some damage to be done before we take seriously the power of our words. You can begin to learn about guarding your tongue at the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation’s website http://www.chofetzchaimusa.org/  and Torah.org http://www.torah.org/learning/halashon/intrcomm.html.

I invite you to dedicate a set time each day when you commit to guard your tongue and your ears. Perhaps start with half an hour, and notice what happens.

I’d love to hear from you with reflections and questions: shirah@mussarinstitute.org.

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